Riding the F train home at night I love to read the movie listings at the back of the Arts section. I think it really says something that most movies really can be completely covered in a handful of words. Title (year). Stars. Summary. Review. (Rating)
Here's a sampling from today (not even a really good day, actually), including the reviews:
"Insecure schoolgirl extrovert. Doesn't hold together." Why, it's Superstar (1996), starring Molly Shannon!
"Mavericks out to save earth from asteroid. Not a believable moment in it." (Armageddon)
"Bad-tempered spiders. Bold, cheery horror." (Arachnophobia)
"Young barroom bouncer. Absurd." (Road House)
"High school boy falls for ex-porn-star neighbor. Sleazy attempt at comedy." (The Girl Next Door)
Is there really more to Armageddon than "Mavericks out to save earth from asteroid"? Nope. That's about it. The review is just icing on the cake at that point.
And then there are the occasional combined summary/reviews:
"Funny but splattery movie about unique country club." (Caddyshack) Unique!!! Splattery!!! Such glorious choices.
The really harsh reviews are fun. Usually of movies I've never heard of:
"Stone in Wild West. Mistake." (The Quick and the Dead) [Sharon, I assume.]
"Two young men torture hostage family. Clammy and repellent." (Funny Games)
"Young slacker learns he can teleport at will. You'll wish you could." (Jumper). I mean, you really do feel like you've just watched that one after reading those twelve words. Like you really experienced it. Truly amazing.